


Beat me Daddy Eight to the Bar

by AnonEhouse



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Iron Man (Comic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cap-Ironman Bingo, Confusion, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-16 23:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5845741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kang tries to send Steve back to the past, but only succeeds in sending his memory partly back in time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beat me Daddy Eight to the Bar

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

 

"Steve!" Tony shouted.

Kang the Conquerer sneered at Iron Man and fiddled with the controls of what Tony recognized as a makeshift time machine, no doubt a replacement for the last one the Avengers had destroyed. "You will not stop me! I shall send Rogers back where he belongs!"

Steve hung, barely conscious, strapped into the metal frame of the device.

"NO!" Tony knew it was risky, but he refused to lose Steve to the past. He blasted the full force of his chest RT at the machine which had just begun to glow yellow. Blue RT energy fought with chronal forces, enveloping Steve in a pale green haze moments before the machine exploded, sending Steve flying. Tony caught him in mid-air, barely noticing Kang making his escape.

Steve's eyes blinked open. He stared at Tony. "I must've pulled a Brodie. Guess robots are the modern angels, take me to the Pearly Gates in style. You got rockets 'stead o' wings?" Steve twisted, trying to look down at Tony's feet.

Tony flipped up the visor on his helmet. "Ok, this... this may be a problem. You're not dead. I'm not a robot, or an angel."

Steve peered at Tony's face. His eyes had a greenish sparkle, like mist. "Take a gander at those lamps. Hey sugar, are you rationed?" Steve smiled. "I'm going fishing."

"Yeeeah, no, I don't understand you," Tony said. He whirled, as one of Kang's minions popped up out of time/space, whatever, to aim something nasty-looking at them. He shifted his grip on Steve, freeing one hand to shoot back. The minion went flying and landed with a splat.

"Beat me daddy, eight to the bar!" Steve crowed happily. "That's some convincer you got there. You a dick?"

Tony swallowed wrong, and coughed. "I don't think that word means what you think it means. Hold on tight, I'm taking you back to the mansion."

Steve put his arms around Tony's neck. "I'm on the nut, and been double-dipping for a long time now, but don't think that means you've got the bulge on me, Mr. Butter and Eggs."

"Oh, God, you have no idea what you're saying, do you?"

"You got a beef with me? A gunsel like you can tell I'm on active duty, I bet."

Tony actually whined at the seductive tone in Steve's voice. "We're just going to pretend this never happened, once you're straightened out."

"No, we won't. This isn't gonna be a trip for biscuits. You might be a cake-eater, Sheik, but I've seen you checking out my map by the light of that torch you're carrying."

"You're giving me a headache." Tony landed inside the mansion grounds and set Steve down.

Steve glanced around. "So, you have the bees. That doesn't mean you can high-hat me."

"We'll go to my lab, take some readings, stay calm and discuss the situation." Tony led the way into the side door of the mansion, trying to avoid awkward questions from the other Avengers, or Jarvis. He was distracted by Steve tugging at his armor.

"You don't have to go around togged up to the bricks while we bump gums, do you?"

"Ah. No? If you're asking if the armor comes off, yes, it does. Mostly." He'd managed to reduce the chest plate and increase the length of time he could go without it, but it was still only a few minutes. "I have to leave on the chest piece."

"Huh." Steve's brows tightened in concern. "I remember... you've got a bad pump."

"You remember, that's great."

Steve stopped and blinked, shaking his head. Then he looked at Tony. His eyes were no longer green-tinted, but had resumed their normal azure. His expression sharpened and his eyes widened. "Oh." He blushed.

"Yeah." Tony took a step back. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I didn't understand any of that."

"Right."

"Not a word." Tony took another step back. "Besides, you were... time-drunk."

"It _was_ a little like being drunk." Steve laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'd forgot what it was like. For me it made things clearer."

"Clearer." Tony edged a little further away.

"Tony, don't go." Steve took a deep breath. "Past me was a pretty impulsive fellow. Sometimes it got me into trouble. But sometimes it took me places I'd have been sorry to miss." Steve held out his hand. "I'm a dead hoofer, but Jan says you're a ducky shincracker. Would you be willing to teach me?"

"I... don't know." Tony stepped forward and took Steve's hand. "It sounds painful."

"Probably will be. I'll step on your toes." Steve put his other arm around Tony's waist.

"Maybe I should keep the armor on."

"Hard on the dance floor," Steve commented. "But on the other hand, with the armor on, you're just the right height for a honey cooler." 

Tony opened his mouth to ask what that was, but Steve's mouth met his, and defined it perfectly.

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the 'Crossed Signals' square on my Bingo card.
> 
>  
> 
> Brodie -Steve Brodie allegedly jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge in 1886. To do/pull a brodie came to mean any kind of stunt, to take a chance or a leap, especially a suicidal one.  
> Take a gander- look at  
> Lamps -eyes  
> Hey sugar, are you rationed? – Are you going steady/have a boyfriend?  
> I’m going fishin’—I’m looking for a date  
> Beat me daddy eight to the bar - Exclamation of excitement or accomplishment  
> Convincer -Gun  
> Dick- Private detective  
> Be on the nut: To be broke  
> Double-Dip - Two separate actions, two helpings of food, working two jobs  
> Bulge Having the advantage  
> Butter and egg man The money man, the man with the bankroll  
> Beef - A complaint  
> Gunsel (from hobo slang, "a catamite;" specifically "a young male kept as a sexual companion, especially by an older tramp," from Yiddish genzel, from German Gänslein "gosling, young goose." Dashiell Hammett used the word in his novel 'The Maltese Falcon' because it was originally serialized in a magazine whose editor wouldn't allow vulgarities, and he counted on the editor misunderstanding it as meaning a 'gunman hoodlum'. He was right, and the line was later repeated in the popular 1941 film adaptation.) It's up to you which definition Steve was using. :^)  
> Active duty – sexually promiscuous young man.  
> Trip for biscuits -A task that yields nothing  
> Cake-eater - A lady's man  
> Sheik: A man with sex appeal  
> Map: Face  
> Carry a Torch – To ardently admire/have a crush on someone  
> Have the Bees: To be rich  
> High-Hat: To snub.  
> Togged to the bricks -Dressed up  
> Bump Gums: To talk about nothing worthwhile  
> Pump: Heart  
> Dead hoofer – Poor dancer  
> Ducky Shincracker - Good dancer  
> Honey cooler -A kiss


End file.
